The Results of Kindness

Being kind and nice are not the same. And being kind doesn’t mean being a push over. Being kind can still be delivering a message, possibly even some consequences, but in a respectful, growth minded manner.

I spent a couple of years of my career as a high school Dean. The one holding kids accountable for following the rules, and supporting teachers when kids acted up. At first, I thought giving kids second chances or being overly lenient would win them over and get them on my side. I was being nice. In most cases, that backfired twice. The kids ended up feeling like they got away with their transgression and the staff was angry I didn’t back them.

When I started to hand out appropriate consequences, but in a way that was respectful, educational, and future focused on how the student could respond better the next time they were in that situation, things changed.

Often the next time something happened the student would own up to it. Then, they would come to me before the referral even made it to my desk to tell me what happened, apologize, and accept they consequence. Then they would come to me to tell me, with pride, how they kept themselves from getting into trouble. At graduation, these are the proudest students. Deans get more hugs than anyone else.

As a department chair, I’ve seen the same with staff. It takes time, but in the long run is worth it. I’ve had people higher than me take nice, kind, and authoritarian roles. Nice hardly ever works, authoritarians get early results but people quit on them quickly. Kind leaders may get off to a slower start, but the momentum they build can be a freight train.

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