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Keeping calm

Calm confidence is something that all leaders need to show. They may not always feel that way on the inside, but what people need to see and believe is that the person is in charge is actually in charge. As in most decision making, the leader needs to be able to step back, look at the situation in a detached, unemotional, thinking manner and communicate with key holders of information and resources. This goes for a large and urgent emergency, or a staff meeting, or difficult individual conversations.

The primary role in a tough situation is to be the one to de-escalate, provide the calm and reason, and focus on the facts and not the feelings. If the leader is ramping up peoples emotions, showing clear signs of distress or panic, making rash decisions, escalating verbal and non-verbal communications, their people will respond in kind. If the leader is taking a deep breath, speaking with a commanding and reassuring voice, redirecting people to the facts of what is happening, and communicating regular updates, then their followers will also respond in kind.

In individual tough conversations, the person the leader is conversing with will likely be defensive, and may come out as aggressive as a safety means. Again, the leader needs to remain calm and not fight fire with fire. Allowing the person to vent, be angry (while setting limits if necessary), and blow off that initial steam while listening, taking notes, and being level will turn the tables back into the leaders favor. Responding with, "so what I hear you saying is..." and then slowly turning the conversation back on the person will end much better than a screaming match and battle of wills. 

These are not skills that come natural to most people, and need to be practiced. Rehearsing possible conversations with colleagues, running drill scenarios multiple times, visualizing situations and your reactions with them, even talking to yourself in a mirror can all be ways to experience these stressful situations to better react when they do occur. As Jack Reacher likes to say in Lee Child's books, "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." But the more you prepare for this plan, and are able to keep your cool, the better your odds of being an effective leader when it really matters.

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