When Have You Succeeded?

Based on the tone in which the title question is asked, this question could sound supportive or demeaning. The mood of the asker or the receiver could interpret that question either way. The goal, of course, is for that question to be supportive. Life is hard, teaching is hard, and whenever we think we have a handle on it, something new and unexpected happens. In this unknown is where a great coach thrives.

A great coach does not need to be an expert in any particular field. However, they do need to be experts at helping people identify what is limiting their success and how to overcome that challenge. Clients often ask questions that start with, "I'm not sure how to..." or, even more self-defeatingly, "I just can't seem to..." Coaches must validate their clients' feelings but not agree with them.

Coaching needs to switch to co-finding solutions after discerning what the client "can't" accomplish. What has the person tried? What seems to backfire on them when they do try? What have they not tried yet? Most importantly, when did they have a similar struggle and succeed? While the first few questions are more logistical and table-setting, the last speaks to the person's resilience, perseverance, and confidence.

All adults will have had a time when they faced a challenge and worked their way through. Each time we do this, it becomes easier. Each new difficulty can feel insurmountable, and without coaching and encouragement, it may just be a roadblock instead of a toll booth. When we are reminded of times we made it through, we can reframe our thinking, knowing that this challenge will not hold us back. When has a coach succeeded? Right there.

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